Over-Occupied Mind

Okay, exams are comin up…I’m gonna start studying TONIGHT!
HONESTLY!!!

Been still going out waay too much these past few nights. And things are reaaaally complicated with this one girl I really like, a LOT. I mean, DAMN, why is it that being friends with someone, and being urself is so damn easy, but the moment u consciously realize that this person means a LOT to you, then every single second u spend with her becomes a self-conscious torture exercise where u try to not think so much, try not to screw things up because suddenly this friendship seems hystERICALLY fragile to you for no good reason, and u wish u could grab that weak, sabotaging gremlin in ur head and strangle it…
just try to LET GO. I mean WHY the hell am I worrying so much that any little thing I say might make her run away like some cliché delicate flower at the beginning of winter? THESE ARE FAKE BLOODY WORRIES! Whatever happened to taking a risk, and just living OUTSIDE of a safe, boring comfort zone?? If anything will make anyone run away, it’ll be from getting bored of my trying so hard to be smart and impressive and being terrified, to the point of stagnation, of saying something wrong.

Fake expectations and disappointed minds, and torturously broken hearts, and deliriously happy moments of mania…bleh. I was nOT made for this shit. Wouldn’t it be cool if relationships were simple?

And don’t give me that “if it was simple, they wouldn’t be worth so much” Crap. Grow a mind of ur own. I just want them to be SIMPLEEE!!! To hell with it. I’ll make it simple! (and screw things up like a pIG haha)

Adios!
(aaaand u’ll probably hear some crappy sob story from me in a few days haha)