Jeezuz! I just wrote a whole damn blog, a huge one (well, umm...a normal sized one), and this stupid browser hung up on me, and I lost the WHOLE THING!! DAMMMIT!!! I feel like I was just bloody raped!! (okay, politically-correct nitpickers, seriously. Get off my case. Its just an analogy. Bite me)
ARR!!!
dammitdammitdammitdammitdammit. I HATE it when I lose data that way. WHATS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID BROWSER?!?!?!
ARRRR!!!
I'm gonna type a new blog tomorow. Its way late now, and I'm too pissed off and all huffy and sulky now. DAIMMIT!! MERT!! SHAIZZERRR!!!!!!SHYYTTEE!!!
okay, i feel better now.
NO I DONT!! SHUT UP!! STOP PRETENDING U FEEL BETTER!!
okay, seriously, calm down. Ur embaressing me.
SHUT UP!! I"M PISSED OFF!!! I WROTE ALL OF THAT CRAP FOR NOTHINGGG!! NOTHHING!!!!!
okay. so go kill some one.
SCREW YOU, YOU PATRONIZING FATHER-FIGURE WANNABE!!!
umm..seriously, this is getting weird.
BITE ME!!!
screw u.
SCREW U!!
I said it first.
SCREW YOU!!!!!!!
okay, lets kiss and make up.
I WANNA ..oh, hell. I give up. this sucks.
yup.
yup!
adios, weirdo.
adios, jackass.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Hmmmm
[censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored][censored]
Life's oldest, most cliche problem, and I'm stuck in it.
Theres no glory in this. Only pain.
As Schwarzenegger says in his hilarious accent, "DAiMITT!!" Hmmm...obviously, I wont give up, although that tendency is always right there like a coin about to drop off an edge.
Life's oldest, most cliche problem, and I'm stuck in it.
Theres no glory in this. Only pain.
As Schwarzenegger says in his hilarious accent, "DAiMITT!!" Hmmm...obviously, I wont give up, although that tendency is always right there like a coin about to drop off an edge.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Monster
Theres a monster inside me.
Sometimes, when I doubt myself, whether its in writing a story, or when I'm cramming the night before a test like I am now, that monster gets his way.
You see, this monster has thousands of arms, and each of his arms has a grip on one part of my heart. Usually, I'm strong enough to keep the structure of that heart, keep its shape intact...but its in these moments of weakness, these moments of doubt that the monster strikes. He's just waiting for these slight weaknesses, where he'll be strong enough that he can pull one of those arms in. Pull that weak part of the structure inwards.
And once he's found a weak spot with one of his arms, his other arms become stronger, and they all start pulling that heart inwards towards the monster in the middle, collapsing that heart, imploding it like a crumpling peice of paper, leaving me completely expressionless, frozen, terrified and heartless.
I've noticed it takes a sort of abandon...a kind of completely unthinking almost detached confidence to get that strength back. Because in a concious battle of wills, that monster will win.
Every. Single. Time.
But when I stop thinking about what I can or cannot do...when I stop trying to so desperately regain that strength and pulling away from that monster, when I just forget about that stupid monster and assume I'm feeling fine, things get better. Because no matter how hard I try, the monster always wins. The harder I try, the stronger he gets.
Its only when I give up and stop caring what the monster does, and just know - not believe - but KNOW that I'm fine, even blindly if necessary, that I win.
Its in moments like these that I realize, I truly am nothing. Cause when I try, nothing successfull happens. But when I just do, without thinking about whether I can or not, that things work out. I dont know how the hell it happens, and I dont pretend to, but it happens. Shows how little I know about my own soul...when I stop trying to control it, and making it do what I think it can do...when I just let go...just let it fly free...shit comes together. :)
Damn..this is the surrealist peice of crap I've ever written. I have to go back and study.
Sometimes, when I doubt myself, whether its in writing a story, or when I'm cramming the night before a test like I am now, that monster gets his way.
You see, this monster has thousands of arms, and each of his arms has a grip on one part of my heart. Usually, I'm strong enough to keep the structure of that heart, keep its shape intact...but its in these moments of weakness, these moments of doubt that the monster strikes. He's just waiting for these slight weaknesses, where he'll be strong enough that he can pull one of those arms in. Pull that weak part of the structure inwards.
And once he's found a weak spot with one of his arms, his other arms become stronger, and they all start pulling that heart inwards towards the monster in the middle, collapsing that heart, imploding it like a crumpling peice of paper, leaving me completely expressionless, frozen, terrified and heartless.
I've noticed it takes a sort of abandon...a kind of completely unthinking almost detached confidence to get that strength back. Because in a concious battle of wills, that monster will win.
Every. Single. Time.
But when I stop thinking about what I can or cannot do...when I stop trying to so desperately regain that strength and pulling away from that monster, when I just forget about that stupid monster and assume I'm feeling fine, things get better. Because no matter how hard I try, the monster always wins. The harder I try, the stronger he gets.
Its only when I give up and stop caring what the monster does, and just know - not believe - but KNOW that I'm fine, even blindly if necessary, that I win.
Its in moments like these that I realize, I truly am nothing. Cause when I try, nothing successfull happens. But when I just do, without thinking about whether I can or not, that things work out. I dont know how the hell it happens, and I dont pretend to, but it happens. Shows how little I know about my own soul...when I stop trying to control it, and making it do what I think it can do...when I just let go...just let it fly free...shit comes together. :)
Damn..this is the surrealist peice of crap I've ever written. I have to go back and study.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Point
U know? I think this blog needs some direction..
I'm always talking some COMPLETELY random crap every single time!
Hmm...what should my main theme be though? Instead of being so broad with my thoughts, it would be better if I applied all those crazy naive thoughts on a common theme..
Dont know what to make it, though.
My book, maybe? no...I'm writing hundreds of pages of that already, think thats enough.
Medicine? Nah...did like a hundred newspaper articles on that already..boring.
Sex? Fun, but dumb'ol conservatives will hate me, and their opinion means so much to me. Besides, theres only so many ways I can say "I'm horny and insecure".
Life philosophy? Too vague and presumptous. umm...and cliche.
Religeon? Sure. I can be preacher #73829834729 2987 23987 8 829
I KNOW! ALIENS!! AND UFO PROBES!!! I HAD ONE...shut up, Saman.
hmm..seriously,
ANy suggestions?
I'm always talking some COMPLETELY random crap every single time!
Hmm...what should my main theme be though? Instead of being so broad with my thoughts, it would be better if I applied all those crazy naive thoughts on a common theme..
Dont know what to make it, though.
My book, maybe? no...I'm writing hundreds of pages of that already, think thats enough.
Medicine? Nah...did like a hundred newspaper articles on that already..boring.
Sex? Fun, but dumb'ol conservatives will hate me, and their opinion means so much to me. Besides, theres only so many ways I can say "I'm horny and insecure".
Life philosophy? Too vague and presumptous. umm...and cliche.
Religeon? Sure. I can be preacher #73829834729 2987 23987 8 829
I KNOW! ALIENS!! AND UFO PROBES!!! I HAD ONE...shut up, Saman.
hmm..seriously,
ANy suggestions?
Friday, February 9, 2007
Story Teller
Dammmnn...
I'm a little exhausted. I've reached a really critical part of my book. The main crises are about to happen...and the one lover in the book just cursed the other while he's gone, and she doesnt know it, but the curse comes true in its own twisted way. Its a really emotionally charged part of the book. People die, others are lost, stereotypes change, and those unwilling to change gear up for war. And one god goes mad.
i love this book. I think my greatest fear is that I write it crappily and it ends up being one long cliche.
Lets hope not. I think editing it once I'm finished the first draft is gonna take a lonnnng time.
I'm a little exhausted. I've reached a really critical part of my book. The main crises are about to happen...and the one lover in the book just cursed the other while he's gone, and she doesnt know it, but the curse comes true in its own twisted way. Its a really emotionally charged part of the book. People die, others are lost, stereotypes change, and those unwilling to change gear up for war. And one god goes mad.
i love this book. I think my greatest fear is that I write it crappily and it ends up being one long cliche.
Lets hope not. I think editing it once I'm finished the first draft is gonna take a lonnnng time.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
PTS
Okay! pOST test syndrome. Adrenalines high, sweating cold sweat that evaporates in seconds, and leaves me freezing. Feels damn good. All that nervous, excited, terrified energy poured behind that test has spilled over into post-test time, and I dont know what to do with all this energy.
The test went well, I think.
Hopefully now I'm qualified to do a gynecological exam. Umm..which me and the rest of the entire class has been doing for months now ANway, so what the F...okay, this isnt really getting anywhere.
Gonna go watch Blood Diamand now at the movies...hear its damn good.
Adios
The test went well, I think.
Hopefully now I'm qualified to do a gynecological exam. Umm..which me and the rest of the entire class has been doing for months now ANway, so what the F...okay, this isnt really getting anywhere.
Gonna go watch Blood Diamand now at the movies...hear its damn good.
Adios
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
A strange thing happened yesterday...
So, two fruit-trees sat in a bar, and the one fruit-tree said to the other, "I think I love you.". She was GONNA ask why there was a hyphen between the words "fruit" and "tree", but the words "I love you" just came out like a proud homosexual. The other fruit tree freaked out and morphed into a giant panda bear and started eating his love-professing friend. Then Chuck Norris's dad walked in and asked for a tip, because the snow queen had given him a ride in her carriage pulled by red-eyed horses, and she had stolen his wallet while he slept. So he needed a tip to give to the waitress at the resturant that he went to next door. He only had a cup of water, but she still wanted a tip. This girl was ambitious, and she was going places.
The panda bear didnt have any money, so it gave him a ball of his fur. Chuck Norris Senior ran back to the resturant to show the pouty waitress the wonderfull prize he'd gotten. The thing is this wasnt just any ball of panda-fur. It was was a panda fur-ball that could make you hop between dimensions if you rubbed it hard enough.
The waitress was really pissed off at first: she just wanted money. But eventually, ol'Chuck Senior convinced her to rub his ball of fur, and suddenly a genie popped out.
"What the!" She looked irritated. "This was supposed to take us to another dimension, not do an Aladdin rip-off!"
The genie looked at her with a know-it-all expression. "I didnt come from your stupid ball of fur. This IS another dimension. Everyone in this dimensions a genie. Look around you, smartass." He laughed and floated off.
Chuck and the spoilt waitress looked around the resturant...everyone...EVERYONE in the previously normal-looking resturant were floating like farts in multi-colored bags.
Chuck walked over to one purple-colored genie and asked him for the meaning of life.
The genie told him that life was all about individual expressions in all its forms, and the pains that go with them.
Chuck nodded with an enlightened expression, and then proceeded to round-house kick the genie back to his magic lamp.
Then an alien invasion happened, and the aliens all looked like smurfs with glowing orange eyes.
Fine, I'll stop. haha. I'm bored, okay? I have an exam for Gynecology tomorow, and I'm SICK of studying. SICK OF IT! I DONT KNOW ANYTHING!! And no matter how much I study, I'LL STILL KNOW NOTHING, SO WHYYY STUDYYYY?!?!? i wish studying was as fun and exciting as having sex.
its now 1:30 am. Maybe I'm just tired.
Wish me me luck for tomorow :)
ummm...i mean today.
Adios.
The panda bear didnt have any money, so it gave him a ball of his fur. Chuck Norris Senior ran back to the resturant to show the pouty waitress the wonderfull prize he'd gotten. The thing is this wasnt just any ball of panda-fur. It was was a panda fur-ball that could make you hop between dimensions if you rubbed it hard enough.
The waitress was really pissed off at first: she just wanted money. But eventually, ol'Chuck Senior convinced her to rub his ball of fur, and suddenly a genie popped out.
"What the!" She looked irritated. "This was supposed to take us to another dimension, not do an Aladdin rip-off!"
The genie looked at her with a know-it-all expression. "I didnt come from your stupid ball of fur. This IS another dimension. Everyone in this dimensions a genie. Look around you, smartass." He laughed and floated off.
Chuck and the spoilt waitress looked around the resturant...everyone...EVERYONE in the previously normal-looking resturant were floating like farts in multi-colored bags.
Chuck walked over to one purple-colored genie and asked him for the meaning of life.
The genie told him that life was all about individual expressions in all its forms, and the pains that go with them.
Chuck nodded with an enlightened expression, and then proceeded to round-house kick the genie back to his magic lamp.
Then an alien invasion happened, and the aliens all looked like smurfs with glowing orange eyes.
Fine, I'll stop. haha. I'm bored, okay? I have an exam for Gynecology tomorow, and I'm SICK of studying. SICK OF IT! I DONT KNOW ANYTHING!! And no matter how much I study, I'LL STILL KNOW NOTHING, SO WHYYY STUDYYYY?!?!? i wish studying was as fun and exciting as having sex.
its now 1:30 am. Maybe I'm just tired.
Wish me me luck for tomorow :)
ummm...i mean today.
Adios.
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Dreamscape Part 2
So, the rest of that dream, right? Well theres not much more to tell. That lady came to me and said that there was something else I had to do. I'd dreamt of her before in an even weirder dream than this one.
Anyway, she said that theres another prison, and that I had to go in there and do something...cant remember what it was, though. So just went in without question, and I dont remember much of what happened, but it was fine. I was in much more control than I was in the previous prison. I found a crack in the ceiling and crawled through, and there were huge unexplored, and undiscovered hallways hidden in the attic. They were all run down and old, hadnt been used in decades, and there was somethign gothic about their appearance. I remember just walking through them, fascinated and haunted by the dreary atmosphere they gave off, almost like music.
I got out eventually...dont remember the details much, but I remember getting out, and she was still there waiting. I think there were others with her now too, but I cant be sure.
Anyway.
Anyway, she said that theres another prison, and that I had to go in there and do something...cant remember what it was, though. So just went in without question, and I dont remember much of what happened, but it was fine. I was in much more control than I was in the previous prison. I found a crack in the ceiling and crawled through, and there were huge unexplored, and undiscovered hallways hidden in the attic. They were all run down and old, hadnt been used in decades, and there was somethign gothic about their appearance. I remember just walking through them, fascinated and haunted by the dreary atmosphere they gave off, almost like music.
I got out eventually...dont remember the details much, but I remember getting out, and she was still there waiting. I think there were others with her now too, but I cant be sure.
Anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)