Well, my sister didn’t like my latest short story, which sucks. Haha.She says I used too much exposition, and built up the story way too much, creating too much expectation in her, and ultimately leading her to being disappointed in an anti-climactic ending.
Damn.
OH WELL!! Haha. I did write it way too self consciously as I mentioned before…I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard to just let go over these past few weeks/months. Obligations and expectations and fears and inadequacies are holding my subconscious back, and have created some kind of fake autopilot in me again. It’s a survival mechanism, I think, to the conventions of my surgery rotation. Its not really helping, though, because I’m unconsciously (but feebly) rebelling against that autopilot in every way I can. And because I’m sporadically attacking this autopilot survival mechanism, my actions and their outcomes have become rather self-destructive and pointless.
Or maybe I’m just thinking too much. Who knows.
Damn culture growing in my head, trying to take hold of the reins of my choices. Some people call it culture. Others may call it routine, or convention, or dare I say education.
The human soul is not conventional by nature. Convention breeds manipulation which ultimately leads to selfish gain by the manipulator. That’s the only reason why we’ve become conventional as a society. There’s nothing routine or conventional about the true human nature. That’s why I hate this routine tendency that I find growing in me. We’re meant to be free of any sort of patterns that can be classified or stereotyped. How can the human soul, which isn’t even nearly understood, already be confined by shallow social standards that change color with the slightest change in circumstance. Souls cant really live such caged lives.
At least not mine. And I can’t be alone in this.
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